A recent article in the Huffington Post tried to make the argument that getting married before 25 should be illegal.
Note: This post was originally published in June 2012. I thought it was time to get this out of the archives to help squash the young marriage myths! Jennifer’s argument revolved around her own personal experiences. She met her husband at 19, was married at 24 and was divorced by the time she was 29. She begins by saying, “Age is just a number… except when it comes to marriage.” She says that “I was enjoying the freedom of drinking and partying legally for the first time (I live in Canada where the drinking age is 19).” She didn’t know who she was or what she wanted in life and ultimately this is why her marriage ended. I read articles like this and my first reaction is anger. Don’t they understand? But then I realize, no, they don’t understand. And then I feel sad for people who criticize young marriage like this because they didn’t get to experience the wonder and blessings that I have.
I see why, to the world, young marriage seems a bizarre and immature thing. For the writer, she was busy drinking and partying at 19. What was I doing at 19? Not partying, and not drinking. I was finishing up my first year at a Christian university while my husband to be was finishing his junior year. I was planning my wedding and preparing for the future. I was learning and studying God’s word as to what it means to be a Godly wife. I was married when I was barely 19 and my hubby 21. The writer states, “I had yet to figure out who I was or what I wanted in my life. I was naïve and impressionable…” The writer looks back when she was 19 and feels that she had no idea who she was. She was partying but really didn’t know what she wanted with her life. I have heard this argument before and I think it is simply a cover up for selfishness. You don’t know what you want with your life? You don’t know who you are? Well, at 19 I knew a lot about myself. I knew that I was a daughter of the King. I was a Christ follower and that was the most important thing in my life.I knew God was calling me to be a Godly wife and hopefully future mother. I knew the Lord was calling me to serve my family and that He was calling my husband to provide and lead our family.
Did my husband know exactly what career path or employer he would eventually work for? No. Do we each have some interests that we didn’t have three years ago? Of course. But what is all this nonsense of not knowing who we are? The only important thing in our lives is that we are Christ followers.Everything else is just likes and interests. Well, why can’t we grow in those likes and interest together? I didn’t blog before we got married. It is a love that I developed after we got married. That doesn’t mean I am a different person than when I got married. I simply developed a new interest, and you know what? My husband developed that interest as well. He spends time learning what is exciting me this week. He takes the time to hear me tell him all about my blog world. He has learned to love blogging and I likewise, do the same with his new interests. Many times I wonder and think about what is wrong with our culture. Since Adam and Eve, the “norm” wasn’t to get married at 30. The “norm” was to look for a spouse in your teens. I am not advocating that we should be marrying 13 year olds. BUT it has only been the past 20-30 years of ALL of history that we decided that 20 was too young. 20 year olds are babies now. Little more than children, they can’t possible make important life decisions. But other places in the world today, and throughout history have considered 20 year olds adults. Why are we making a society of children adults? But I digress…
The writer of the article also shares that after the excitement of planning a wedding they settled into married life and “because we had started dating at such a young age, he [her husband] was marrying someone who had absolutely no idea who she was and what she wanted in her life. In short, it was a recipe for divorce.” Can I just ask…how is that a recipe for divorce? So you didn’t know what career you wanted to go into? I know that for my husband and I, we have grown up together! We have learned what it means to actually have a little extra money coming in! We have learned together what it means to be careless with our money and also what it means to figure out how to save money. We have learned through tears and fights what it means to work things out. We have learned together what life is like graduating from college and starting careers. And know we are learning together what it means to be parents and eagerly anticipate the arrival of our first bundle of joy. And you know what? I am 22 years old. I know my husband and I both have a lot of learning and growing to do in the years to come, but we are excited to walk that journey together. I can’t wait to see how the Lord molds my husband into an excellent father and leader of our home. Will we change over the years? Of course. God calls us to continually grow in Him and walk in Godliness.
I know many 19-year-olds who are NOT ready for marriage, but I also know selfish immature 30-year-olds who are not ready for marriage either. So in all, yes, marriage IS just a number. And I am so thankful that the Lord brought us together at such a young age. We have a strong and solid marriage and can’t wait to welcome a new addition to our family later this year. I would’t have it any other way. If the author of that article had her way, I wouldn’t be married for another 3 years. I would have missed out on 6 fabulous years with my husband, that is something that makes me very sad to think about!
You can read more posts I have done about young marriage {It’s somewhat of a passion of mine}
The writer states, “I had yet to figure out who I was or what I wanted in my life. I was naïve and impressionable…” The writer looks back when she was 19 and feels that she had no idea who she was. She was partying but really didn’t know what she wanted with her life. I have heard this argument before and I think it is simply a cover up for selfishness. You don’t know what you want with your life? You don’t know who you are? Well, at 19 I knew a lot about myself. I knew that I was a daughter of the King. I was a Christ follower and that was the most important thing in my life. I knew God was calling me to be a Godly wife and hopefully future mother. I knew the Lord was calling me to serve my family and that He was calling my husband to provide and lead our family.
Everything else is just likes and interests. Well, why can’t we grow in those likes and interest together? I didn’t blog before we got married. It is a love that I developed after we got married. That doesn’t mean I am a different person than when I got married. I simply developed a new interest, and you know what? My husband developed that interest as well. He spends time learning what is exciting me this week. He takes the time to hear me tell him all about my blog world. He has learned to love blogging and I likewise, do the same with his new interests. Many times I wonder and think about what is wrong with our culture. Since Adam and Eve, the “norm” wasn’t to get married at 30. The “norm” was to look for a spouse in your teens. I am not advocating that we should be marrying 13 year olds. BUT it has only been the past 20-30 years of ALL of history that we decided that 20 was too young. 20 year olds are babies now. Little more than children, they can’t possible make important life decisions. But other places in the world today, and throughout history have considered 20 year olds adults. Why are we making a society of children adults? But I digress…
