By Heather Faria, Contributing Writer

When I was engaged to be married, I was filled with plans and dreams for what my life would be like as a new wife!  One of the desires I probably clung to the hardest was to be a stay at home wife.  Growing up, I had been taught that in addition to being a wife and mother, homemaking was the most noble occupation a woman could have! Naturally, I was eager to put into practice all I had learned in my own home!  I was certain that in order to be the best wife and homemaker I could be I had to be at home full time.

Well, as it turned out, God had His own ideas for me, and being a full time stay at home wife first thing in our marriage was not one of them.  My husband’s work situation did not allow us to be financially capable of living on his income alone and so instead of fulfilling my dream of being a full time stay at home wife, I found myself a full time working woman.

I was so frustrated and confused!  If the most important place for me to be ministering in was the home, why was it that God wanted me to be primarily outside of it?  I thought I was supposed to be my husband’s helper! I couldn’t do that very well if I was at work right?

Well, thankfully God revealed to me that I had some very wrong ideas about homemaking and taught me some extremely important lessons along the way!

Lesson #1: At this stage in life, the best way to be my husband’s “helper” was to bring in a second income.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was more of a help to my husband and our future with being at work than I was at home.  It wasn’t that he didn’t value the role of a stay at home wife and feel convicted that that was God’s eventual plan for our family, but at this point in our lives my help was needed in a different way.  Another reason it wasn’t as necessary for me to be at home was that we did not have any children yet, therefore the time I spent away from the home was not taking away from my God given responsibilities.  Realizing these things helped me to feel like my job was exactly where God wanted me to be at that time and that I was fulfilling the role of “a helper suitable” for my husband.

NOTE: This does NOT mean that I think it is best for a woman to be working outside the home until she has children or that her role in home isn’t necessary until then!  This was simply my experience and what God’s plan was for my marriage.  Ideally it would be wonderful if we all could focus our full attention on homemaking right away. If you are able to have this privilege do not take it for granted and waste the opportunity God has given you to minister in your own home!  However, if you find yourself in a situation like me, be encouraged in knowing that God is still using you as a helper to your husband and He has you exactly where He wants you.

Lesson #2: “Homemaker” is not synonymous with “Stay at Home Wife”

I don’t know about you, but I am a very low energy person.  I’m also an “all or nothing” person.  Therefore, when I get home from working a full eight hour day, the last thing I want to do is think about making dinner, planning my grocery shopping and making sure the house looks decent.  Once I had resigned myself to my role as a full time working woman, it was hard for me to not abandon homemaking altogether. I figured, “Well if I can’t put the energy I want to put into homemaking because I’m supposed to be working, why even bother?”  This however, was totally wrong.  Whether God has allowed you to be a full time stay at home wife or not, God has called all women to be homemakers.

 “Then they can urge the younger women….to be busy at home”  Titus 2:4-5

This means that even if it is necessary to bring in extra income, our homes and our identities as homemakers should always be our first priority.  For some women, such as single moms or wives with disabled husbands etc., staying home full time may never be an option!  God does not give that calling to everyone.   What He does desire for us is that our first priority be our families and our homes.  We should never sacrifice our noble calling to minister in our home for outside responsibilities.  Homemaking might look a little different for us than for a stay at home wife, but as long as the primary focus of our hearts is our home and our families and not our careers we are honoring Christ.

Lesson #3:  Don’t have expectations for the home that are too high (or too low!)

This lesson coincides with Lesson #2.  As I said before, I am a total “all or nothing” person!  It’s so hard for me not to set my expectations for myself too high or too low.  When I first got married, I started off by having too high of expectations.  I was ambitiously determined to work my 40 hour work week, cook gourmet dinners every single night while still maintaining a perfectly spotless house, a working budget and plenty of time for romance with my husband!  Needless to say, this didn’t last very long and things quickly changed.

But instead of finding a balance, I went the opposite way and started ordering take out most nights of the week, allowing layers of dust to collect around my house and completely ignoring our budget.  This only caused me to feel like a failure as a wife and grow resentful of my job that I blamed for taking me away from my home.  Eventually I decided that I needed to find some kind of balance so that I was doing everything to the best of my ability instead of slacking in all areas of my life.  Once I found some tools to help organize my life, I found that I was both a better employee and a better wife!

Here are some things that have worked for me:

Finding Balance While Working Outside the Home

Tool #1: Sign up for a meal planning site!

This was a complete life saver for me!  I signed up for PlantoEat and Relish!  I definitely prefer PlantoEat over Relish!, but I found some really great recipes on Relish that have become favorites in my kitchen!  Both of these sites help create grocery lists based on the ingredients in the meals you choose.  Total time saver!!! {Note from Jami: Here are some tips on meal planning on a budget and getting dinner ready on a schedule. Freezer cooking was also a life saver for me when I was working full time.}

Tool #2: Keep a day planner!

I have always been terrible at using these, but I finally got to the point where I became so busy I kept forgetting things.  Keeping the planner helped me to keep track of meals, have organized lists, and always know when my appointments were.

Tool #3: Start each morning by setting a goal for the day!

A while back I read Maximize Your Mornings by Kat from Inspired to Action.  This ebook was a big help for me in adding structure to my busy life without feeling overwhelmed.   I highly recommend downloading it!  Here are some highlights on the ebook from  Kat:

• Learn why getting up early is so important.
• How to get out of bed – tips to make it easier to crawl out of your cozy bed.
• How to develop a doable Prayer and Bible Study plan.
• How to find an exercise plan that works for you.
• How to plan your day so that you actually get things done.
• Learn the key to developing a great morning routine.
• Download forms and charts to help you plan and stay on track.

Although it may be necessary for you to work outside the home, do not underestimate the importance of managing your home.  The below quote from C.S. Lewis helps to keep me motivated and inspired when I am burnt out from working a long day at the offic

Homemaking while working outside is extremely challenging, but it is so worth the effort!  God bless you as you pursue this high calling!